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Operation Nuclear Walmart:

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It's probably time for me to see a doctor.

Well, against what some people I know would call 'better judgment' I decided to have a little experiment yesterday.  Around 12:30 in the afternoon, I took 25mg of Adderall, just to see what it does.  I expected it to give me plenty of energy, similar to when I was taking caffeine pills.  I was a little surprised.

What did end up happening, was after I had a good hour of being moderately energetic (similar to caffeine) I realized it wasn't that I was hyper, it's that I wasn't tired.  I've spent every day for MONTHS being tired.  I haven't had ambition for almost anything; I've been depressed, and I've had terrible memory problems.  Yesterday, I was able to focus on everything I had to do, I wasn't cranky from being tired, I didn't feel fuck-all depressed, and I actually felt good, for the first time in a while.  Taking vitamins has helped, but this... for the past few years, I've been struggling with incessant depression.  Yesterday I felt like how I use to feel.  It was a good feeling.

Ironically, a few days ago, one of my best friends checked herself in to a psych ward.   I have always sworn she and I were pretty much the same person.  She's starting antidepressants and some anti-manic medication today.  I guess I can just add this to the list of way's we're alike...

Radio killed the internet star

In a little less than a month, I'll be launching my own internet radio station, which will include a several different radio shows.  Discussions will range from the polite and relevant to the obscene and obscure. Politics, humanities, religion, sex, cuisine, weapons, pyrotechnics, drugs, legal and illegal activities, computer and automotive technology, music, the environment, do it yourself projects, and so much more.  I'm in love with information, and I want to share it with as many people as possible.  :thumbsup:

Things I am working on.

Short term projects:

• EMP generator.  An EMP is essentially just a quick magnetic flux.  By running a high voltage through a coil, I should be able to create one.  I have a bank of 6x 400v capacitors that I'll be wiring up to a charging circuit a friend drew up for me, and should have a prototype before the end of the week.
• Create a few how-to guides on some stuff.  I'm part of an online community based on providing and sharing information.  I have a few text files I'm working on.  One needs some refinement, and a couple I'm still researching / planning.  I think I'll post some here once I'm done writing them up, though I may need to check blogger's terms of service again to make sure I'm not going to be violating any agreement.  Some of this stuff can be pretty controversial.

Mid term projects:

• Internet Radio!  I'm setting up my own station, and have been collecting things to do / share / etc on the station.  This month I'll be ramping up my efforts quite a bit, to meet my tentative launch date of April 1st.

A glorious dawn.

For it being 9:21 in the morning, I feel fantastic.  For the first time in ages, it seems, I'm not tired.  For all the stress that work and a lack of money does to me, things seem great.  It is a pleasant change.

Why?  For one, I got up early, and worked out.  It wasn't much, but stretching and some light exercises does wonders for the body.  I think I will do this every morning.  I've been taking vitamins for the past couple weeks as well, and it's also helped tremendously.  A few weeks ago, everything was getting under my skin, everything stressed me out.  It was terrible.  I think those times are over now.

So, what am I doing.  Right now, with my life.  Currently?  A whole lot of nothing.  I work, I go home, I sleep, I repeat.  It's monotonous, unrewarding, and has little purpose.  By the end of the year I'll have my car paid off, and will be able to actually start saving money.  I do not think I will renew my lease at my apartment.  I like the place, but I don't like paying $800/month on rent.  It's a waste of money, and for someone living in a society so dependent and attached to money, that's a problem.

So, what am I doing.  Right now, with this page.  Currently?   A whole lot of nothing.  Writing.  Keeping track of my thoughts.  At work, when I keep a schedule of my time, I find that I'm much more efficient and productive when I do this.  Maybe this will help me get my life together.  I certainly need to.

I recently wrote up a paper.  I have named it "A Call for Extremism".  I wanted to convince myself with it that there is a purpose to life, and give myself a reason to find out what is worth doing.  What I learned while writing it, is that there is no single thing people can do to do anything great.  Life is like playing chess.  It's not your current move that really matters, it's the move 6 turns away that you're setting yourself up for.  So I guess me toiling away at work to free myself of bills is my first move.  Vitamins and working out are my next.  Third move?  Read more.  A LOT more.

In a few years, I'm gonna have the whole fucking world in checkmate.