Friday, March 11, 2011

It's probably time for me to see a doctor.

Well, against what some people I know would call 'better judgment' I decided to have a little experiment yesterday.  Around 12:30 in the afternoon, I took 25mg of Adderall, just to see what it does.  I expected it to give me plenty of energy, similar to when I was taking caffeine pills.  I was a little surprised.

What did end up happening, was after I had a good hour of being moderately energetic (similar to caffeine) I realized it wasn't that I was hyper, it's that I wasn't tired.  I've spent every day for MONTHS being tired.  I haven't had ambition for almost anything; I've been depressed, and I've had terrible memory problems.  Yesterday, I was able to focus on everything I had to do, I wasn't cranky from being tired, I didn't feel fuck-all depressed, and I actually felt good, for the first time in a while.  Taking vitamins has helped, but this... for the past few years, I've been struggling with incessant depression.  Yesterday I felt like how I use to feel.  It was a good feeling.

Ironically, a few days ago, one of my best friends checked herself in to a psych ward.   I have always sworn she and I were pretty much the same person.  She's starting antidepressants and some anti-manic medication today.  I guess I can just add this to the list of way's we're alike...

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