Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Change how you look at all things, and what you see will change.

I've been stalled more times than I think I care to admit.  Be it on health issues, financial issues, or optimization issues (more to come on that subject in a later post), I've consistently found myself not where I want to be.  I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty in this post, but man, things are not working for me, the way I've been trying them.  So what do I need?  What's my solution to fix my problems?  I don't have the money to eat healthy.  I don't have the energy or ambition to work out.  I DID until I donated plasma the other week, and they fucked up my arm.  I've had a sore arm for the past week, and some wicked bruises.  It's made that much more difficult, though I don't really have an excuse for why I haven't at least been running.  I think I will do that tonight, just to prove a point to myself.  What point do I need to prove?  If I'm going to stand in front of the world and say "I'm going to change you for the better - whether you like it or not" I need to be able to do the same to myself.  I'm out of shape, and though I want to change that, I'm quite resistant to this change.  So I think that is my next goal.  My workout has had no cardio since I started, but I have some great muscles to show off once this layer of fat is off.

So what's my motivation?  Defiance.  I'm saying "fuck you, body" and gonna make it do what I want it to, not what it wants me to do.  I started this post just gonna mope about how rough things have been for me.  You know what?  Fuck that.  Yeah, things have been rough.  So what?  I can't name one legitimate reason why that should slow me down.

Step one:  Get this weight off that's been pissing me off.
Step two:  Pay off these stupid loans that keep me broke.
Step three:  Electronics.  I will know how to build more complex machinery before the end of this year.  I plan on researching schools as well.  After these bills are paid, I'm gonna see what kind of classes I can take to learn things that I can and will use.  Programming and Electrical Engineering are my priorities.

So watch the fuck out, world.  I am great.  I am dangerous.  You think you can keep up with me?  Well, you can't.  Because I am too damn fantastic.

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